Yes. I confess. I have not been a faithful blogger. I hope some of you folks are still out there checking in occasionally. thanks. :)
My last entry was early May! A lot has changed since then.
I was happy to be putting weight on the foot with crutches in mid-May. I was doing (and continue to do) therapy exercises sometimes for 4-5 hours a day to try to work it back into shape. but with my new Dr.’s encouragement, I started making some milestones –

I started walking some without crutches by the end of May. I remember walking VERRRRY slowly in the Wheaton, IL Subway on Memorial Day. Good milestone.

And then, finally – first day without crutches was June 4. It was a big day, obviously.

I was called up to walk in front of my church on June 7. That was a powerful moment since so many of those folks had been praying for me for months, and even visited me in the hospital when they weren’t sure if my foot would stay on.

My very matter-of-fact, straight-shooting Physical Therapist was very pleased when I was able to walk well for him, even outside on the grass.

I walked slowly into our uber-exciting annual Ackland family reunion, which felt really great in front of family.

And last Wed. (6/17) – I took a walk that I later measured with our car, 2/3 mile on gravel, a surface that has been very difficult earlier because of the unevenness. I’m very excited to see the progress.

-//- I want to be so grateful to God for what I’ve been able to do, well beyond what the doctors predicted. And yet I get very discouraged sometimes. Like today. There’s still such a long way to go. I would so appreciate your continued prayers for things like these:

- The arch in my injured foot is very stretched, sore, and painful. Hopefully it will continue to rehabilitate, and massage therapy might help the process.
- continued strengthening in my foot, toes, and ankle.
- more motion might be restored in the injured ankle itself
- smoother walking, less limp
- my continuing appeal with the Insurance – thankfully, the disputed amount is now lower than $6000. But since the dr.’s appeal failed, now I have to gather up a lot of documents and try to appeal for more money awarded to cover the surgical costs.
- And, very importantly, my mind and heart and emotions.

So much of this journey now is a battle of thoughts and emotion. I have a hard time sometimes accepting that life is different now. I want to be back to the way life was, the way I was… which is impossible. I need to remember where I was at last Dec. … last February… what I have is truly a blessing. It’s just really difficult not to compare myself with most people I see and want to have their same abilities.

I need to remember – I was off my foot for almost half a year. I’ve only been working on it with therapy for less than 3 months. I’ve only been walking without crutches for less than a month. So there’s certainly reason to hope for further improvement – I believe God’s showing me that the old ways I’ve always thought and lived just aren’t going to cut it now. I have to trust Him, discipline my mind to not allow myself to think discouraging thoughts – and keep moving.

I hope to surprise you with how much God has healed me the next time I see you! Thanks for reading and caring.

Some praises... some fears.

Hello friends.

That sounds like the start of a Mr. Roger's Neighborhood episode. Hmm. I'm about as actively exciting as him these days.

Well, I haven't written for a while. There hasn't been much big news to discuss. I'm making slow progress. Slow seems to be the word of the month. I can tell my ankle is stronger, and I'm doing more - but it's slow. Just to make sure i didn't mislead anyone last time - when I said I was I'm walking in the grass, that was walking WITH crutches, putting some weight down. However, I have gotten to the point where after warming up well, I can do a SLOWWW modified walk with a cane. And... I can also do a VERY slow, limping shuffle, without cane/crutch/walker/segway. I thank God for this progress, slow as it is. The biggest challenges in this area seem to be the difficulty in getting the foot to bend at a right angle or beyond without pain, and needing more ankle strength to push through a "heel-to-toe" motion.

If you would, please pray with me on 2 money-related accounts. My surgeon's appeal to the insurance company came back empty; they still want me to pay about $7,000 that they're calling over the customary amount. We had asked them for some visible evidence of their fee schedule, which they haven't done. I'll be asking for that as I "appeal the appeal", more or less, because I want to use those real $ amounts to seek a deal between the Ins. and the provider.

Also, my insurance should have decided by now whether or not they'll be granting me more physical therapy visits. Therapy is my training for walking for the future, and I'll need to go whether or not they pay, but depending on whether they're fair and generous or not, it's the difference of $1000-2000 probably. I hope to find out tomorrow.

These things are pretty worry-inducing and fear provoking for me, even though I know that fear is not what God wants for me in this case. I know that God is sovereign over all this and wants me depending fully on Him. Fear creeps in very easily and secretly. I appreciate your prayers along with me for these matters. I hope to limp through your door and see you someday soon.

May the peace of Christ rule in your hearts and mine,

Todd

This is big for me.

Hello friends!

I received a very important phone call Tuesday morning. I picked up, and it was my new ankle specialist doctor. My heart sank, assuming that he was calling with bad news from the MRI I had taken on Good Friday. Instead, he told me that, according to the MRI, there is no sign of bone death in my talus, the central important ankle bone. This is a direct 180 degrees from what I’ve been hearing ever since the accident – that I had a 99-100% chance of bone death because the bone was so broken, dislocated, and cut off from blood supply.

I was absolutely shocked – so I asked him… “Are you sure??” He said that the MRI reader (radiologist?) agreed with him that things looked good – so good that he even questions whether my talus was actually broken! He said he believes there is little chance that I would need a major [pantalar] ankle fusion, possibly a less drastic surgery down the road.

Honestly… part of me is scared to let my hopes be reset so high – that I might have a healing, somewhat kinda normal ankle, instead of the shattered thing that I’ve been thinking I had. But I truly dare to think that this is the miracle that I along with so many others (thank you) have been praying for. And this week, especially after having some tough physical therapy on Wed., I’ve been working hard on putting more weight down on it and increasing my “walking” - still with some crutches' help, of course. And it’s responding. I loved walking in the grass for an hour today. I’m nervous to admit it – but I’m really excited. Thank you to so many of you who have walked alongside me during this. It’s not over – but God is making some beauty out of the ashes.

Your brother and limping partner along the road,

Todd

Reasons to be thankful - and to pray.

Hey folks-
I just wanted to give a quick report of some really praise-worthy things that God has brought about this last week.

*/* My new Dr. recommended the use of Bone growth stimulator machine that straps onto the ankle at night for 30 min. and puts out a magnetic field that somehow stimulates stubborn bones to grow back. It sounded like a great hopeful prospect - and then my insurance refused to cover the charges. I didn't see how i would pay the $3600 cost - until the company interviewed me and decided to let me use the machine free of charge with a company write-off.

*/* It sounds like, if the business office person I talked to was correct, that the unpaid charges from my main surgeon that the insurance was trying to assign to me to pay has been negotiated from $15,000 down to around $7000, and the Dr's office is still appealing $6000 of it.

*/* */* And the best part this week - has been a kind of walking. I'm moving my ankle for the first time since Oct. really. I was unsure how much to do, how much can i handle, etc., and my parents challenged me on Monday that learning to walk is really my #1 job right now. So since Tues., I've been spending 2 hours every morning bending toes, loosening up the little movement I have, and then putting a little more and more weight on the foot - with my crutches' help, and with the foot in the new protective brace. It's slow progress, but it's progress. Slow heel to toe is actually working. It's very slow, but it's walking.

>>> Please thank God with me for the gift of this bone stimulator that I should receive on Fri., and ask God for its effectiveness in growing new bone where it may be dead.
>>> Please pray for good results in my MRI to be taken Good Friday morning, that it might show growing bone with blood flow and not a dead shell of a bone.
>>> Please pray that my insurance would recognize these surgery charges as fair and negotiate a fair payment that would not leave me with a large debt.
>>> Please pray that my foot will continue to gain movement and strength, and that I would soon fully walk on it... in God's timing.

God's Word has graciously spoken to me this week. I'm commanded to be strong and courageous - not because "I've got a lot more living to do," but because God has his purposes and plans to accomplish through my life. (Joshua 1:6) He is with me, and He will bring it to being. I'm also commanded to love the Lord with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. (Mark 12:30) How can I do that if I don't trust Him with my life? I realized that, at this point, I must love Him by trusting Him.

Love you guys. Looking forward to seeing many of you when we celebrate His resurrection Easter Sunday.

Peace of Christ - Todd

Some good news!

Hello, blogging faithful ones!

Yes, I know - I am apparently CLEARLY not one of those people, the chosen ones. I didn't post ANYTHING here all March long. That's almost as bad as when my roommate and I decided not to wash any dishes for the month of April, about 10 years ago. So now it's April 1 - and I'm back. Terrible reason for my malaise - I spent 2 weeks in the suburbs in March, attending my home church, and so I just never emailed them any updates since I was right there. And so I never blogged either. Ok, enough apologies. Hopefully nobody hates me; THANK YOU for even checking in here. Your concern and friendship and prayers really mean THE WORLD to me at this time. I will hopefully have even more to say here soon. God has brought some hopeful things into being. He's good at that.

From Mar. 28.

Hey friends - I had some cautiously really good news this week that I wanted to share with you.

I went to my main dr. this Mon., expecting to hear very little new, more of the same about the terrible injury. Instead, my dr. was very surprised that I have had very little pain and haven't needed pain meds for weeks. [Thanks be to GOD!] He said the x-ray showed possibilities that the bone is surprisingly getting some blood supply and may not fully die. And therefore he wants me to get out of the big boot cast and carefully practice walking more and more, moving up to 100% weight! I was shocked.

I also went to my 2nd opinion on Fri., a foot/ankle specialist with a big Orthopedic group in the suburbs. He was a great listener and very knowledgeable - for maybe 45 min. he met with us and cautiously echoed some of these statements. He supplied me with a supportive brace to use for *practice* walking, and he took a sort of calm, natural approach. He said we should gently see what the ankle can do for the next 6-9-12 months and not rush any surgery. This means waiting til after my insurance runs out in July... but he said it's the only way to know how the ankle will heal.

So, ~shock~ i'm gonna be practicing "walking," seeing what the ankle can do slowly. I so appreciate your prayers as I try to carefully discern answers to these questions. Looking forward to hopefully sharing the feast of Easter with you all -

Todd

I appreciate your prayers!!!

On Mar 21, 2009, I wrote to my church:

Hello my dear friends -

These last 2 weeks, it was so great to be able to see all of you again and feel connected again on a face to face level. I hope to be able to be part of LOV on Sunday more in the future, now that i'm driving and a little less dependent - even if it means coming in on Sat. and sleeping on Holsclaws' futon... :)

* Thank you for praising God with me for continuing recovery. It's really slow, but at least I'm much more mobile now, and seeing my toes gain some necessary movement and strength.

* Please ask God with me -
- to speak to us at my main Dr.'s appointment this Monday. This is probably when they have to lay down whether I need to have a fused, immovable ankle, or whether there is hope for a less drastic treatment.

- to guide us at my 2nd opinion at a major western suburb Ortho clinic, Fri. 3/27. The foot/ankle specialist looks very experienced and promising. I'm really excited to hear from someone else. We're coming in with lots of questions, plus hopes to be able to walk normally and live a reasonably active life.

- to move mightily in my Insurance situation. They have covered me for SO much and have spent a lot of money on me. Still, it looks like there is $14,000 that they've assigned to me to pay just from the 6 surgeries from my main surgeon, and there's more coming in. We are appealing this, but we need WISDOM and good counsel to know how to do what is important and to not end up in a financial quandry.

* Please pray against fear. It's easy to have thoughts that "I may never walk again," or that the limits will be unbearable because I'm growing weary of life on crutches and not being able to work and do so many things. I also face fear about the mounting claims, since so much insurance stuff is simply unknown to us. But we know that after we do all that we can do humanly speaking, we have a sovereign God who is working for our good and for His purposes in us. I need to keep my mind stayed on this, not on the easily frightening unknown.

Thank you for standing beside me in many encouraging ways, big and small, through this. I have been blessed by so many of you. Hope to see you again soon - -

Todd

Encouraging things

Hey folks! I hope everyone is doing well, and patiently waiting for Chicago winter to turn into REAL Chicago spring.

Thank you everyone for all of the encouragement you gave me over last week. It was a tough week to hear a possible prognosis, but that shock was necessary for me, I think, and there’s a long way to go in this journey. I’ve been praying to accept the possibilities of some difficult limits, while at the same time we’re looking into and planning 2nd/3rd opinions to UW-Madison and Chicago hospitals.

I started therapy this week! – Wed. and Fri. It was anxiously exciting to start moving the toes and the ankle – SLOWLY. I guess a lot of time just needs to be spent on rubbing and mobilizing the toes to get them back into commission. And of course my leg muscles are really atrophied. All those years being called “pencil-legs,” and now it’s basically accurate – at least on the left side. I have a lot of hope for what we can accomplish, and I already see improvements in how much (little, but real) movement I have.

I received another bunch of insurance statements today. There has been SO many shockingly high bills that they have paid, so much to be thankful for. Today finally brought the statement for the first 3 weeks in the hospital, from late Oct. / early Nov. The $175,000 bill was discounted by $40,000, and the insurance covered ALL of the remaining $135,000. So thanks be to God for THAT! I need to focus on that – although the statements for 2 of the many surgeries by my main surgeon just came today, from late Oct… The insurance is trying to only pay less than half on virtually all of those and ask me to pay around $12,000. The appeal has been started, but please pray that the insurance will move and cover these costs, especially since both the surgeon group and the insurance claim that they are paying according to the same Medicare fee schedule.

Well, I’m TOTALLY looking forward to my first “real” shower tonight, without any plastic bags taped to my leg. I get to cleanse my foot and see how the skin graft REALLY looks. Hopefully the doctor resisted writing “Dr. W was here,” or anything really, on my foot.

Another thanks to God, I’ve been able to drive since I got my storm-trooper boot on last week… although not in my stick-shift Honda. That’s a LITTLE too much action for my booted foot. So, I’m really looking forward to driving up and seeing everyone at church, hopefully a week from today, on Mar. 8. I’ll be back in the burbs at my sister’s for those 2 weeks and eager to catch up with a lot of you and hear what’s going on in YOUR lives. Hopefully lots of excitement, not involving hospitals. (Sorry Dina.) THANK YOU for your prayers for these things, and for your pointful encouragements to keep my eyes on our Sovereign God whose plans are higher than all of ours.

Love and peace in Christ,
Todd