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Saturday, January 31, 2009
Good news is good.
Hey there folks!
I hope this finds you all doing well. I’m cooped up here at the family farm, and although I haven’t written for over a week and a half, it hasn’t been from complete lack of good news. We think we just may be seeing PROGRESS!!!
The plastic surgeon said last Monday that things continue to look well (even though my untrained eyes think that things couldn’t look more disgusting). I know that I’m doing the world a grave disservice by not having posted my pictures on the web by now, so I’m going to do my darnedest to get them on my facebook page tonight, and hopefully also on the little blog I keep for a few folks who don’t get these LOV emails – www.toddytoddytoddy.blogspot.com. These will not be the most cheerfully pleasant pictures. They’re rather gross, but hey – the skin is sticking.
The best news I heard was from my orthopedic surgeon, the main doctor that I’ve been with all along. He said that, as soon as my the plastic surgeon feels the wound is durable and stable enough to withstand some pressure, we can take off the fixator (aka tinkertoys, pins and rods) and put on a boot cast. And the pl. surgeon said it might be as early as Feb. 10, more or less. This is a shock! I’ve had the big fix on for so long now, I’m sure my foot will look naked to me without it. I’m sure that my ankle will be completely weak and atrophied beyond belief, since it will be 4 months or so of complete immobility, and there will be a huge need for therapy for a while. But I’m really excited about being able to take the next step. PROGRESS…
My surgeon warned me again, “this is a marathon journey you’re on.” He also really emphasizes the seriousness of the injury every time he sees me. He told me that this injury carries a 40% amputation rate right off the top, so to be at this point with a foot is already a big victory. I think this is his way of warning me that we’re not sure what will happen once the pins and rods are taken off. It will most likely require a subtalar fusion that will take away most side-to-side mobility but will still let me walk (even jog?), hopefully without a limp. But he said there is still a possibility of a major, “pan-talar” fusion. Pretty much everything fused. Obviously, not a good end result. I’m praying for complete recovery, and I’m so thankful for so many folks who have told me they are as well. This is probably the big item now, medically speaking. There’s a small possibility of no fusion at all – but the doc says we find out after the fixator comes off, and the freed ankle is able to tell us how damaged it is and what it needs. Wow… a talking ankle.
Really quickly – the insurance issue is an up and down one. There’s a lot of praises. My agent, who’s a great friend from my former church, came to my house last week and walked me through the process, which helped in a huge way. I can see where the deductible went, and I found that so far there aren’t too many fights brewing. But my main orthopedic provider called Thursday looking for more money than the insurance wants to pay… I’m trying to just keep pointing them toward the insurance co. and sticking to it. The insurance co. itself gave me mixed messages this week that were disturbing, but I thank God that they confirmed the biggest surgery bill has been settled.
In other news – my parents are getting the blessing of traveling to Israel this March! This is huge for them. Up till now, “big traveling” has meant Alaska and Hawaii. I’m super excited for them and hope that it’s an exhilarating experience for them, one that fills in Bible stories with color and helps to renew their faith. The good news for me is that I’ll be staying with my sister in Bartlett from around Mar. 5 to 18. I hope I’ll be mobile enough to see some of you during that time, and I’ll be making every effort possible to be in Church those Sundays. Yay!! See ya soon.
I’ve felt a little more myself lately. Mom says I’m a little funnier. I’ve been trying to play the piano – either with my leg propped on a chair or stuck out to the side. It feels good. And I have a new library card for the “prairie-Badlands” region out here. That feels really good to be a little connected there again. And I’m getting married to a Russian woman I met on VirtualChurch.com. Just kidding. The library card is real, though.
It felt great to listen to a sermon from church from the website last week. Thanks for providing that. It made me feel connected again in one more way. I look forward to seeing you all soon. I think I have a long road again, but thanks to so many of you for walking some of it with me.
Peace of Christ to you –
Todd
I hope this finds you all doing well. I’m cooped up here at the family farm, and although I haven’t written for over a week and a half, it hasn’t been from complete lack of good news. We think we just may be seeing PROGRESS!!!
The plastic surgeon said last Monday that things continue to look well (even though my untrained eyes think that things couldn’t look more disgusting). I know that I’m doing the world a grave disservice by not having posted my pictures on the web by now, so I’m going to do my darnedest to get them on my facebook page tonight, and hopefully also on the little blog I keep for a few folks who don’t get these LOV emails – www.toddytoddytoddy.blogspot.com. These will not be the most cheerfully pleasant pictures. They’re rather gross, but hey – the skin is sticking.
The best news I heard was from my orthopedic surgeon, the main doctor that I’ve been with all along. He said that, as soon as my the plastic surgeon feels the wound is durable and stable enough to withstand some pressure, we can take off the fixator (aka tinkertoys, pins and rods) and put on a boot cast. And the pl. surgeon said it might be as early as Feb. 10, more or less. This is a shock! I’ve had the big fix on for so long now, I’m sure my foot will look naked to me without it. I’m sure that my ankle will be completely weak and atrophied beyond belief, since it will be 4 months or so of complete immobility, and there will be a huge need for therapy for a while. But I’m really excited about being able to take the next step. PROGRESS…
My surgeon warned me again, “this is a marathon journey you’re on.” He also really emphasizes the seriousness of the injury every time he sees me. He told me that this injury carries a 40% amputation rate right off the top, so to be at this point with a foot is already a big victory. I think this is his way of warning me that we’re not sure what will happen once the pins and rods are taken off. It will most likely require a subtalar fusion that will take away most side-to-side mobility but will still let me walk (even jog?), hopefully without a limp. But he said there is still a possibility of a major, “pan-talar” fusion. Pretty much everything fused. Obviously, not a good end result. I’m praying for complete recovery, and I’m so thankful for so many folks who have told me they are as well. This is probably the big item now, medically speaking. There’s a small possibility of no fusion at all – but the doc says we find out after the fixator comes off, and the freed ankle is able to tell us how damaged it is and what it needs. Wow… a talking ankle.
Really quickly – the insurance issue is an up and down one. There’s a lot of praises. My agent, who’s a great friend from my former church, came to my house last week and walked me through the process, which helped in a huge way. I can see where the deductible went, and I found that so far there aren’t too many fights brewing. But my main orthopedic provider called Thursday looking for more money than the insurance wants to pay… I’m trying to just keep pointing them toward the insurance co. and sticking to it. The insurance co. itself gave me mixed messages this week that were disturbing, but I thank God that they confirmed the biggest surgery bill has been settled.
In other news – my parents are getting the blessing of traveling to Israel this March! This is huge for them. Up till now, “big traveling” has meant Alaska and Hawaii. I’m super excited for them and hope that it’s an exhilarating experience for them, one that fills in Bible stories with color and helps to renew their faith. The good news for me is that I’ll be staying with my sister in Bartlett from around Mar. 5 to 18. I hope I’ll be mobile enough to see some of you during that time, and I’ll be making every effort possible to be in Church those Sundays. Yay!! See ya soon.
I’ve felt a little more myself lately. Mom says I’m a little funnier. I’ve been trying to play the piano – either with my leg propped on a chair or stuck out to the side. It feels good. And I have a new library card for the “prairie-Badlands” region out here. That feels really good to be a little connected there again. And I’m getting married to a Russian woman I met on VirtualChurch.com. Just kidding. The library card is real, though.
It felt great to listen to a sermon from church from the website last week. Thanks for providing that. It made me feel connected again in one more way. I look forward to seeing you all soon. I think I have a long road again, but thanks to so many of you for walking some of it with me.
Peace of Christ to you –
Todd
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Back Home.
I am HOME. Glad to be here. Pardon my slowness of communication, although there are reasons - I stayed in the hospital fr. Tues. afternoon to Fri afternoon, and the rules are basically don't move for 2 weeks. I literally laid there for 3 days and just ate lots of food without moving for 3 days. Sounds gross... but kinda fun. Here at home, i can sit with my foot held up high, but I need to lay down a lot and only put the foot down to walk for 2 min. tops. It's not painful as much as before - huge blessing - and I went to see the plastic surgeon Monday and got good news. He thinks it's adhering and looks great. I thought it looked absolutely terrible, Frankenstein-like. It looks like a brown leather patch sown on the wound, but he says that's to be expected. So it was really encouraging to hear that progress is being made, and we're back on track after a lot of disheartening lack of progress.
I hope that you all are seeing some progress in your lives as well! It really does change the way you trust God with your life, doesn't it? We're out of control of lots of things here, and I have to believe that He knows and cares what's best for me above what I want. It's been hard to do that, as 3 months trickle away and many more are ahead, but i think He is helping me to learn to follow Him in ways I've never had to before.
To be honest, as I shared with my House Gathering over the phone tonight, (whoop whoop) I've had to watch my attitude a lot lately. It's so easy to see everyone working so hard around me, and my parents working to help and serve me... and I'm just laying here. I also catch myself eyeing any strong, capable men I see and just wondering if I'll ever be able to even walk. Luke M shared a good word with me by saying, hey - you were in an accident. Now is time to heal. It's ok to just be there and do that. -//- It's just not natural for me, though. The natural tendency is to want to try harder, fix what's wrong. And I can't fix it; all I can do is place my life and recovery in the Father's hands once again and trust Him with my life. It's amazing how often I need to go back and do that all over again.
Anyway, gotta get this foot up again. Thanks for your shouts and your prayers.
Hope to see you soon.
Peace of Christ to you -
Todd
I hope that you all are seeing some progress in your lives as well! It really does change the way you trust God with your life, doesn't it? We're out of control of lots of things here, and I have to believe that He knows and cares what's best for me above what I want. It's been hard to do that, as 3 months trickle away and many more are ahead, but i think He is helping me to learn to follow Him in ways I've never had to before.
To be honest, as I shared with my House Gathering over the phone tonight, (whoop whoop) I've had to watch my attitude a lot lately. It's so easy to see everyone working so hard around me, and my parents working to help and serve me... and I'm just laying here. I also catch myself eyeing any strong, capable men I see and just wondering if I'll ever be able to even walk. Luke M shared a good word with me by saying, hey - you were in an accident. Now is time to heal. It's ok to just be there and do that. -//- It's just not natural for me, though. The natural tendency is to want to try harder, fix what's wrong. And I can't fix it; all I can do is place my life and recovery in the Father's hands once again and trust Him with my life. It's amazing how often I need to go back and do that all over again.
Anyway, gotta get this foot up again. Thanks for your shouts and your prayers.
Hope to see you soon.
Peace of Christ to you -
Todd
Monday, January 12, 2009
Surgery tomorrow. #7. Who's counting? Oh... Insurance.
Hello friends...
I am coming to the end of my birthday weekend... that stretched into Monday, my actual birthday today... and I'm officially 30-more something today. Thanks for so many birthday greetings on Facebook, and text messages, and my House Gathering's hot party last weekend. All the modes of communication and technology have been utilized - and I'm well-wished. Thanks so much!
Sorry, I haven't let you all know the result of the doctor's appt. from last Thursday: he said that the foot is healing and the skin is coming along, so that's good - but another skin graft is necessary. It would just take too long for skin to grow and cover such a wide wound that's so long. It's over 12 inches long, and over an inch for a lot of it, plus there's a 2-3 in. circular wound that's even deeper than that.
So - i'm scheduled for surgery tomorrow, back in St. Anthony's in Rockford, at 4 PM. Hopefully we'll be able to drive easily as the blizzard calms down, without calling the Ackland Norwegian Elkhound sled dog team out of retirement. The doctor has said i'll need to be COMPLETELY immobile for 5 days and wants me to stay at the hospital that long to observe. We're hoping that I might be able to attend my nephew's 3-yr-old birthday party on Sat., but that might not be possible. Have to play it by ear. Still praying for major financial things with insurance to be worked out, but thankfully this doc and hospital are "in-network" - great phrase - so we shouldn't be balance-billed for this one.
Frivolous details if you're interested:
I had a great birthday weekend as clans invaded the Ackland home since I can't get out. Saturday evening my hometown friends, all married with kids, came over for a carried-in Chinese food dinner and long goof-off/hang out time complete with ping pong and great 80's table games. ("Perfection," anyone?) It was great to catch up with folks i hadn't seen much in a while. My dad was so generous to pay for all the food, and my mom made a wickedly good carrot cake, my favorite. Sunday, I was able to worship at the church where I served 4 years ago, and it was almost exactly 10 years from my starting date in 1999 (1 day off). It was such a blessing to see families and be reminded of the prayers and care of people I love and care about. Then 3 buddies from the burbs came out and had cake and cookies in the afternoon, so we had a great Bachelor Bonding Bash, complete with terrible guitar group songs. On top of that, one of my old college housemates from the Souphouse at Taylor U. came and stayed until Mon. lunch. Great to see you Dave.
So I've been blessed. I'm not just sitting at home crying and deserted. God has certainly made his presence clear... it's an up and down journey emotionally and spiritually, but I see how, even though the end result can't be seen, and it can be very discouraging to think about things I "thought I had" possibly not being available any more - health... finance... freedoms - God is here. He's still working. He's still glorious. And I pray I can still bring him glory.
And I'm thankful for you, Life on the Vine. I KNOW that if i were here, 75 miles from Long Grove, and I didn't have these relationships with so many of you that I care about, and I just didn't have a body of Christ that I call home, I KNOW in my heart that I would feel an emptiness and loneliness. I thank God for you. Thank you for being Christ's heart and hands and words and cheer and friendship to me. I feel a need to repay what I've been given. Right now I can just say thanks.
I'll try to update you all on how things go. Thanks for your prayers. Everyone curl up, enjoy the hot cocoa, and love your loved ones well. See ya soon.
Todd
I am coming to the end of my birthday weekend... that stretched into Monday, my actual birthday today... and I'm officially 30-more something today. Thanks for so many birthday greetings on Facebook, and text messages, and my House Gathering's hot party last weekend. All the modes of communication and technology have been utilized - and I'm well-wished. Thanks so much!
Sorry, I haven't let you all know the result of the doctor's appt. from last Thursday: he said that the foot is healing and the skin is coming along, so that's good - but another skin graft is necessary. It would just take too long for skin to grow and cover such a wide wound that's so long. It's over 12 inches long, and over an inch for a lot of it, plus there's a 2-3 in. circular wound that's even deeper than that.
So - i'm scheduled for surgery tomorrow, back in St. Anthony's in Rockford, at 4 PM. Hopefully we'll be able to drive easily as the blizzard calms down, without calling the Ackland Norwegian Elkhound sled dog team out of retirement. The doctor has said i'll need to be COMPLETELY immobile for 5 days and wants me to stay at the hospital that long to observe. We're hoping that I might be able to attend my nephew's 3-yr-old birthday party on Sat., but that might not be possible. Have to play it by ear. Still praying for major financial things with insurance to be worked out, but thankfully this doc and hospital are "in-network" - great phrase - so we shouldn't be balance-billed for this one.
Frivolous details if you're interested:
I had a great birthday weekend as clans invaded the Ackland home since I can't get out. Saturday evening my hometown friends, all married with kids, came over for a carried-in Chinese food dinner and long goof-off/hang out time complete with ping pong and great 80's table games. ("Perfection," anyone?) It was great to catch up with folks i hadn't seen much in a while. My dad was so generous to pay for all the food, and my mom made a wickedly good carrot cake, my favorite. Sunday, I was able to worship at the church where I served 4 years ago, and it was almost exactly 10 years from my starting date in 1999 (1 day off). It was such a blessing to see families and be reminded of the prayers and care of people I love and care about. Then 3 buddies from the burbs came out and had cake and cookies in the afternoon, so we had a great Bachelor Bonding Bash, complete with terrible guitar group songs. On top of that, one of my old college housemates from the Souphouse at Taylor U. came and stayed until Mon. lunch. Great to see you Dave.
So I've been blessed. I'm not just sitting at home crying and deserted. God has certainly made his presence clear... it's an up and down journey emotionally and spiritually, but I see how, even though the end result can't be seen, and it can be very discouraging to think about things I "thought I had" possibly not being available any more - health... finance... freedoms - God is here. He's still working. He's still glorious. And I pray I can still bring him glory.
And I'm thankful for you, Life on the Vine. I KNOW that if i were here, 75 miles from Long Grove, and I didn't have these relationships with so many of you that I care about, and I just didn't have a body of Christ that I call home, I KNOW in my heart that I would feel an emptiness and loneliness. I thank God for you. Thank you for being Christ's heart and hands and words and cheer and friendship to me. I feel a need to repay what I've been given. Right now I can just say thanks.
I'll try to update you all on how things go. Thanks for your prayers. Everyone curl up, enjoy the hot cocoa, and love your loved ones well. See ya soon.
Todd
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Plastic surgery. Not on my face.
Hey!... SO THIS IS THE LAST OLD EMAIL LETTER I sent before to my friends at my church that I'm going to post up here. I hope that, if you were interested in hearing what's gone on with me, that you didn't find that lame but helpful. I'll get some cool pictures up soon too, with a little blood and stuff for the adventuresome bloghunters out there!
Sun. Jan. 4, 2009
Hello!!!
Hi there LOVers nearby and faraway. I should NOT be up past midnight writing an email for you all, but then again - it's been 2 weeks, and I miss y'all, and I've had like 6 naps today.
I hope you all are doing well and having a great start to the New Year. 2009...... Sounds funny. "Twenty-ten" - sounds even funnier.
I was all set to write an email explaining that I'm just waiting... that I'm just going through my vacuum changes 3 times a week with Hyper Nurse Karen, waiting for the plastic surgeon. My doctor won't go farther with me until an expert plastic surgeon decides whether i need another skin graft on the foot, since the 1st one failed. I suppose there's more going on than I realize; if my surgeon tried again and failed, maybe there could be malpractice fears... I don't know. So I was just waiting to see him on my birthday, Jan. 12, to see what happens next - until he moved it up to this Thurs., Jan 8. Big blessing. I don't really know to expect - he could say we're going into serious surgery in 2 days, or he could say, looks great, nothing needed!
The wound is still healing nicely, so that's great. We're hoping that we can move swiftly, and get this vacuum off, so the fixator can come off and we can have a surgery to fuse some ankle bones. But we're just waiting.
Another concern - *prayer request* - since I was between jobs and group insurance policies, I bought a short-term med. ins. policy. Long story short - so far it looks like they're covering me pretty well, thank God... - but their support totally ENDS July 1, since my policy was only for a year. Kinda sounds weird, but my agent explained it to me. Doesn't have to be a terrible thing, but I really pray to God that He will see these major surgeries taken care of, and I hope to be well into rehab by July. 6 months is sort of a long time - but it will go QUICKLY, I'm sure.
Anyway, I miss you guys, but I've been so encouraged and blessed by loooking through some of the cards and emails and other things that have been sent my way. Thanks so much. It lifts my soul to remember that there are people an hour and a half away that I love and who have spoken into and changed my life.
Hope to see you guys soon!
Love and peace of Christ,
Todd
Sun. Jan. 4, 2009
Hello!!!
Hi there LOVers nearby and faraway. I should NOT be up past midnight writing an email for you all, but then again - it's been 2 weeks, and I miss y'all, and I've had like 6 naps today.
I hope you all are doing well and having a great start to the New Year. 2009...... Sounds funny. "Twenty-ten" - sounds even funnier.
I was all set to write an email explaining that I'm just waiting... that I'm just going through my vacuum changes 3 times a week with Hyper Nurse Karen, waiting for the plastic surgeon. My doctor won't go farther with me until an expert plastic surgeon decides whether i need another skin graft on the foot, since the 1st one failed. I suppose there's more going on than I realize; if my surgeon tried again and failed, maybe there could be malpractice fears... I don't know. So I was just waiting to see him on my birthday, Jan. 12, to see what happens next - until he moved it up to this Thurs., Jan 8. Big blessing. I don't really know to expect - he could say we're going into serious surgery in 2 days, or he could say, looks great, nothing needed!
The wound is still healing nicely, so that's great. We're hoping that we can move swiftly, and get this vacuum off, so the fixator can come off and we can have a surgery to fuse some ankle bones. But we're just waiting.
Another concern - *prayer request* - since I was between jobs and group insurance policies, I bought a short-term med. ins. policy. Long story short - so far it looks like they're covering me pretty well, thank God... - but their support totally ENDS July 1, since my policy was only for a year. Kinda sounds weird, but my agent explained it to me. Doesn't have to be a terrible thing, but I really pray to God that He will see these major surgeries taken care of, and I hope to be well into rehab by July. 6 months is sort of a long time - but it will go QUICKLY, I'm sure.
Anyway, I miss you guys, but I've been so encouraged and blessed by loooking through some of the cards and emails and other things that have been sent my way. Thanks so much. It lifts my soul to remember that there are people an hour and a half away that I love and who have spoken into and changed my life.
Hope to see you guys soon!
Love and peace of Christ,
Todd
Sun. Dec. 21, 2008 - 99 1/2 hours till Christmas!!!
Hey everybody,
MERRY CHRISTMAS! I hope that your celebration of Christ's advent has been and will be a worshipful experience for you and your families this year.
It's been an ok week here on the ol' ranch. I've decided that the foot has become all about tradeoffs. A month ago, I felt good; I was pretty mobile, and my pain was minimal. However, all doctors and nurses were frustrated with how the wound was not healing. These days – I've definitely NOT felt a-OK, I have a lot of pain even sitting and standing, let alone moving, and I'm on a steady diet of oxycodone, a medicine I am incredibly *thankful* for. But I'm ok with doing a trade to have my present grogginess and pain, as long as that gives me the long-term health of my foot. It definitely looks "better". The old pictures of my former scab show a huge scar that's yellow, gray, and a variety of other Picasso-painted tones. The new pictures on Facebook (check em out! They're bloody!) show a bright red foot fresh from the meat market. And Fri. when the nurse changed the vacuum (ouchhhhhh) it was drying up nicely. All the people "who know" keep saying how good it looks.
I still enjoyed a full week, despite how I felt. Mon. afternoon we got a visit from 4 fun-loving Holsclaws. Very great to see them as they were on their way to Norway… Wed. I got to see my cousin Kyler play in a 5th/6th grade basketball tournament. Wow – I forgot how funny that stuff can be. Thursday morning, Matt Tebbe, James Currie, and Mike Nowak came by, with remote-controlled Ford F-150 in tow. Thanks for coming guys; it's just great to be able to talk and have community again. And my nephew's going to love my truck.
And LAST NIGHT – we went out to Rockford for a surprise birthday party for my mom. The 11 of us enjoyed a really nice seafood buffet dinner and a Steve Green Christmas concert, and my mom was given a wonderful tribute book of photos, quotes and stories that my sister did masterfully online with some help from me. She was thrilled and well-loved.
Anyway – I really wish that I'd be able to see you all again. I have to be patient with the vacuum, pain, and the slow progress. The doc said on Mon. that I'd need to keep the vac on for another 1-2 weeks. I'm praying for that day to come, but I know they don't want to take it off too soon (for the SECOND time). So… maybe God is teaching me how to just accept that this is what it is for now, and it's ok. I'm trying to think and live out what it means to be thankful, hopeful, faithful, truthful, and peaceful. I need a lot of help a lot of times. Like when I thought I lost my painkillers at the BB game. Or when I got home last night with a good Baptist hangover from too much chocolate cake and too much time on my foot.
God is faithful, even when we are not. That is the background for the Christmas story, I think.
Love and grace and peace to you guys. Thanks for reaching out to me… Hope I can do better at getting back to each one of you individually.
Hope to see you soon.
Todd
MERRY CHRISTMAS! I hope that your celebration of Christ's advent has been and will be a worshipful experience for you and your families this year.
It's been an ok week here on the ol' ranch. I've decided that the foot has become all about tradeoffs. A month ago, I felt good; I was pretty mobile, and my pain was minimal. However, all doctors and nurses were frustrated with how the wound was not healing. These days – I've definitely NOT felt a-OK, I have a lot of pain even sitting and standing, let alone moving, and I'm on a steady diet of oxycodone, a medicine I am incredibly *thankful* for. But I'm ok with doing a trade to have my present grogginess and pain, as long as that gives me the long-term health of my foot. It definitely looks "better". The old pictures of my former scab show a huge scar that's yellow, gray, and a variety of other Picasso-painted tones. The new pictures on Facebook (check em out! They're bloody!) show a bright red foot fresh from the meat market. And Fri. when the nurse changed the vacuum (ouchhhhhh) it was drying up nicely. All the people "who know" keep saying how good it looks.
I still enjoyed a full week, despite how I felt. Mon. afternoon we got a visit from 4 fun-loving Holsclaws. Very great to see them as they were on their way to Norway… Wed. I got to see my cousin Kyler play in a 5th/6th grade basketball tournament. Wow – I forgot how funny that stuff can be. Thursday morning, Matt Tebbe, James Currie, and Mike Nowak came by, with remote-controlled Ford F-150 in tow. Thanks for coming guys; it's just great to be able to talk and have community again. And my nephew's going to love my truck.
And LAST NIGHT – we went out to Rockford for a surprise birthday party for my mom. The 11 of us enjoyed a really nice seafood buffet dinner and a Steve Green Christmas concert, and my mom was given a wonderful tribute book of photos, quotes and stories that my sister did masterfully online with some help from me. She was thrilled and well-loved.
Anyway – I really wish that I'd be able to see you all again. I have to be patient with the vacuum, pain, and the slow progress. The doc said on Mon. that I'd need to keep the vac on for another 1-2 weeks. I'm praying for that day to come, but I know they don't want to take it off too soon (for the SECOND time). So… maybe God is teaching me how to just accept that this is what it is for now, and it's ok. I'm trying to think and live out what it means to be thankful, hopeful, faithful, truthful, and peaceful. I need a lot of help a lot of times. Like when I thought I lost my painkillers at the BB game. Or when I got home last night with a good Baptist hangover from too much chocolate cake and too much time on my foot.
God is faithful, even when we are not. That is the background for the Christmas story, I think.
Love and grace and peace to you guys. Thanks for reaching out to me… Hope I can do better at getting back to each one of you individually.
Hope to see you soon.
Todd
Sun. Dec. 14, 2008. Hello everyone. It's almost Sunday.
Well, hello! Greetings from the cold and blustery farm, many miles west of most of you. I hope that all of you are doing well and enjoying anticipating the advent of our Savior this Christmas time.
I wanted to share some of the things that have happened since I emailed last from the hospital. I was very happy to finally go home this Tuesday after a week there.
It has been… different, and honestly, a little difficult with a lot of ups and downs. I was starting to feel a lot stronger and trying to exercise and be a little active – before these surgeries. But there's something more difficult about having a vacuum attached to your body with a cord and carrying around a machine with you. I'm a lot more tired and sedentary, and it's more painful. But the doctors believe that the foot is in a better place now, so I guess these are changes that have to take place for the sake of getting better.
The vacuum is something I'm getting used to. It sucks fluids out of my ankle that get in the way of healing. It runs for 5 minutes and then rests for 2. When it comes on, it sounds like a dirt bike. Or a 4-wheeler. It's actually kind of a friendly conversation throughout the day. I guess I'm less excited about that conversation at night.
God has provided some more big things. We had a REALLY tough time finding a home care nurse to change my vacuum since we live in the boondocks, and very few people claim our area as territory. But He provided a nurse just in time for my first vacuum change – yesterday morning. This was my most painful moment that I've had throughout the whole journey. Honestly, I hadn't dealt with bad, BAD pain at all – until this.
My nurse was a really fast, caffeinated woman named Karen. She had done a lot of vacuums, but had never seen a "fixator" like mine, the titanium jungle gym around my foot. I was pretty nervous about a super fast woman ripping shrink wrap and a sponge off my wounded foot. It was… a well-founded nervousness. Because it had been a week since the doctors changed the vacuum, it was sticking to the wound pretty bad. I bit my finger while she worked at it. Finally, we had success birthed out of adversity. The bare foot looks VERY different now, swollen and with the skin graft removed. (I'll try to get some updated shots on Facebook tomorrow.) I'm not sure if the "really cool scar" that Tackett thought I'd have will still look like it did. I wish I had a camera with me then, but I was more concerned about survival. She was shocked that I was on the "wimpy" pain medicine that I was on, and told me I needed one that could do the job. I've slowly realized she's right, after a rough day today proved it.
Anyway, it's getting late and this letter's getting long. I thank all of you who have prayed for me. I can't find the words to tell you how much I've been lifted up by your emails, calls, visits, promises of visits, words of encouragement, staying in touch, and your intercession. I really miss seeing you all. I've only been able to attend church on 2 Sundays over the last 2 months. And both pastors didn't cry at all in their sermons, which really kind of threw me for a loop, more than expected. I also thank the LOV kids for their Christmas cards that they sent, with great drawings and thoughtful messages and extra-cool spellings.
If you would, I appreciate your prayers for
* pain tolerance
* that the healing process would move forward
* that I'd be able to be active and exercising
* that I'd use my time and my days wisely, redemptively, for God's purposes, even if I have less usable time
* and that the Holy Spirit would help me to truly abide in Him now, and be able to succinctly and clearly point people I meet to Christ and His power, rather than just be vaguely thankful and expectedly nice.
I'll continue lifting you up, and I hope to see you soon.
Love and peace in Christ,
Todd
I wanted to share some of the things that have happened since I emailed last from the hospital. I was very happy to finally go home this Tuesday after a week there.
It has been… different, and honestly, a little difficult with a lot of ups and downs. I was starting to feel a lot stronger and trying to exercise and be a little active – before these surgeries. But there's something more difficult about having a vacuum attached to your body with a cord and carrying around a machine with you. I'm a lot more tired and sedentary, and it's more painful. But the doctors believe that the foot is in a better place now, so I guess these are changes that have to take place for the sake of getting better.
The vacuum is something I'm getting used to. It sucks fluids out of my ankle that get in the way of healing. It runs for 5 minutes and then rests for 2. When it comes on, it sounds like a dirt bike. Or a 4-wheeler. It's actually kind of a friendly conversation throughout the day. I guess I'm less excited about that conversation at night.
God has provided some more big things. We had a REALLY tough time finding a home care nurse to change my vacuum since we live in the boondocks, and very few people claim our area as territory. But He provided a nurse just in time for my first vacuum change – yesterday morning. This was my most painful moment that I've had throughout the whole journey. Honestly, I hadn't dealt with bad, BAD pain at all – until this.
My nurse was a really fast, caffeinated woman named Karen. She had done a lot of vacuums, but had never seen a "fixator" like mine, the titanium jungle gym around my foot. I was pretty nervous about a super fast woman ripping shrink wrap and a sponge off my wounded foot. It was… a well-founded nervousness. Because it had been a week since the doctors changed the vacuum, it was sticking to the wound pretty bad. I bit my finger while she worked at it. Finally, we had success birthed out of adversity. The bare foot looks VERY different now, swollen and with the skin graft removed. (I'll try to get some updated shots on Facebook tomorrow.) I'm not sure if the "really cool scar" that Tackett thought I'd have will still look like it did. I wish I had a camera with me then, but I was more concerned about survival. She was shocked that I was on the "wimpy" pain medicine that I was on, and told me I needed one that could do the job. I've slowly realized she's right, after a rough day today proved it.
Anyway, it's getting late and this letter's getting long. I thank all of you who have prayed for me. I can't find the words to tell you how much I've been lifted up by your emails, calls, visits, promises of visits, words of encouragement, staying in touch, and your intercession. I really miss seeing you all. I've only been able to attend church on 2 Sundays over the last 2 months. And both pastors didn't cry at all in their sermons, which really kind of threw me for a loop, more than expected. I also thank the LOV kids for their Christmas cards that they sent, with great drawings and thoughtful messages and extra-cool spellings.
If you would, I appreciate your prayers for
* pain tolerance
* that the healing process would move forward
* that I'd be able to be active and exercising
* that I'd use my time and my days wisely, redemptively, for God's purposes, even if I have less usable time
* and that the Holy Spirit would help me to truly abide in Him now, and be able to succinctly and clearly point people I meet to Christ and His power, rather than just be vaguely thankful and expectedly nice.
I'll continue lifting you up, and I hope to see you soon.
Love and peace in Christ,
Todd
Tues., Dec. 9, 2008 - Just to update you:
Hey folks -
I surely don't want to overuse these group updates, but it's been a effective and rewarding way to update people about the path i'm on.
I'm still writing from St Anthony's Hospital. I guess there were problems from my insurance co. to verify everything to send me home. But, assuming the weather allows my parents to make it here and back, i hope to return home tomorrow. But there's crazy IL winter stuff forecasted, so we'll see.
*the surgery was good fri. - they actually decided not to do much b/c it looked pretty good. it was disappointing that they took out the failed skin graft Tue, but they're hopeful that there is enough skin growing underneath to move on. So the biggest concern ahead is that the wound would heal.
*i'm going home with a travel vacuum hooked up to my ankle. it's small and comes with its own man-bag, so i can, i don't know, take it into Starbucks or something. THe docs are very set on this technology to help me heal. Might have it on for 1-2 wks or more.
*My surgeon. said that the danger of losing the foot to infection actually would still be there for a year. Have to be extremely careful with everything. He also said that if i had been brought into [name withheld] famous Chicago Hospital on the accident day, the foot would be amputated, 100% sure. So one more thing that I really have to be THANKFUL for.
Anyway, glad to be here, thankful for you my friends and family. Hope i can survive as well at home as i did in the hospital. They've been really good to me....
Blessings to you all, in Christ's peace -
Todd
I surely don't want to overuse these group updates, but it's been a effective and rewarding way to update people about the path i'm on.
I'm still writing from St Anthony's Hospital. I guess there were problems from my insurance co. to verify everything to send me home. But, assuming the weather allows my parents to make it here and back, i hope to return home tomorrow. But there's crazy IL winter stuff forecasted, so we'll see.
*the surgery was good fri. - they actually decided not to do much b/c it looked pretty good. it was disappointing that they took out the failed skin graft Tue, but they're hopeful that there is enough skin growing underneath to move on. So the biggest concern ahead is that the wound would heal.
*i'm going home with a travel vacuum hooked up to my ankle. it's small and comes with its own man-bag, so i can, i don't know, take it into Starbucks or something. THe docs are very set on this technology to help me heal. Might have it on for 1-2 wks or more.
*My surgeon. said that the danger of losing the foot to infection actually would still be there for a year. Have to be extremely careful with everything. He also said that if i had been brought into [name withheld] famous Chicago Hospital on the accident day, the foot would be amputated, 100% sure. So one more thing that I really have to be THANKFUL for.
Anyway, glad to be here, thankful for you my friends and family. Hope i can survive as well at home as i did in the hospital. They've been really good to me....
Blessings to you all, in Christ's peace -
Todd
Monday, January 5, 2009
Fri. Dec. 5, 2008 - Hey Folks... surgery, again.
Hi LOV family.
Really quick - i'm doing ok here in the hospital. thankful to get a little wifi in my room. trying to stay a little active with walks to keep strength up.
i didn't expect to be here for several days, but now they've actually scheduled another surgery for me tomorrow at 11:30. they're planning to try to clean up the wound some more, and refocus the wound vacuum, which is doing good work. it's been a little scary to hear that the skin graft basically failed, but they hope there's enough skin growing to be ok. otherwise, there will be some other procedure. it's also scary to realize that the talk of possibly losing the foot is still out there. but the doctors are feeling confident and believe they are "winning". i have to remember that God is truly sovereign, and that this is His battle, His timetable.
they hope i'll be able to go home, with vacuum attached, on Monday now. Gala hopes are officially off - have extra fun for me. I so appreciate your support. I'm praying for many of you as well. I love you, friends.
Your brother in Christ, Todd
Dec. 1 - Back to the Hospital....
Hello there LOV friends and family!
I feel like maybe i've owed you all an update for a while now, friends... Honestly, since i've been home for 2 weeks after the 4 wks. in the hospitals, I've gotten steadily better for the most part, with a few setbacks along the way. I've missed you all a lot. Life is, of course, fully weird now, but mainly there's a big hole in my heart missing my church family.
My doctor looked at my foot about 2 weeks ago and was bothered that the wound was wet and oozy. He changed the dressing style, and within a few days, he was happy with how it was drying up. However, we went back for another appt. today (Monday) and he was not happy again. It seems to be healing, the wound is SLOWWWWWLY getting smaller, but it's just too soft and wet and he wants a nice hard scab, i guess.
So i'm going back to the hospital tomorrow morning. I'm not too worried, but I need to take it seriously and prayerfully - a 1-hr. surgery to clean the wound and then attach a med-vac (vacuum) again to it to dry it up. I'll be out for the surgery, and hope to clear up my head sooner than last time... Lord willing, I'll come home with the vac on the wound for ~4 days.
Honestly, probably the thing i'm most bummed about is that i was ready to try to head to the Christmas Gala and, i don't know, dance with Matt Tebbe or something, and then go to church in the morning. This easily might put me back and keep me from seeing you all for longer. We'll see.
I SO, SO appreciate the encouragement and your prayers. It means a lot, esp. as I go online and read about "talus fractures" and the long-term recovery difficulties. Google it if you're curious. The process doesn't sound very easy. And if you're into real-life gross stuff, my facebook site shows the ankle in all its man-altered glory.
Anyway, long letter. I love you guys and look forward to seeing you sometime.
Peace of Christ to you, your brother, Todd
P.S. Hey House Gathering buds! - I'll still try to give you a call from the hospital Tues night!
Oh yeah!
So, I forgot to include, I would so appreciate your prayers for -
* the complete healing of the ankle wound
* patience and strength for my mom and dad, great care-givers
* wisdom on the steps to take ahead. I'm being told to get a 2nd opinion, but I'm not excited about more multiple 90-minute + drives to/from Chicagoland* recovery of motion and the gift of ~walking~
* * My Aunt Marie's continued valiant fight against leukemia at The University of Chicago. She's doing great in chemo so far!!
Thanks brothers and sisters - TWA
Sat. Nov 15, 2008 - Hello my LOV family!
Sat. Nov. 15 08
Hello my loving LOV (Life on the Vine church) family!
I did make it home from the hospital today, exactly 4 weeks after the accident. I give God thanks and praise for ALL of his providence and sustenance through a very trying time with lots of difficulties and challenges. Just to be alive and able to think and talk and love is SUCH a privilege that I thank God for.
It's going to be a very long road ahead; something like a year of rehab. I'll probably have the "jungle gym" fixator around my foot drilled into the bones for 5-6 more weeks.
I so appreciate and long for your prayers. Even today, within the first 20 minutes of being home, I slipped with my crutch on some wet kitchen tile and sort of half-fell onto my hurt foot. It scared me a lot, and It does feel funny now, but we're praying that nothing is more damaged inside. I need to remember that the fixator is drilled into the bones like concrete. Anyway, another reminder of my fragility and need for the Lord's hand of protection.
This is my first time touching the internet in a month. I'm so thankful to be here and thankful for all of y'all. Looking forward to the day we meet again. Peace of Christ to you - Todd
Well, hello there! Introduction...
Hey there!!!
I haven't kept a blog since July of 2005. That's because I didn't believe that my life in Illinois (i.e. plowing cornfields, attending seminary, the occasional date, etc. (just kidding, no dates)) was really worth writing about. I thought differently about the time I was blessed to spend in India and Sri Lanka in 05. (If you want to check that out, feel free to see www.toddackland.blogspot.com)
But, here I am... still in Illinois... at my parents' house... eating popcorn... watching the Big Ten have a HORRENDOUS bowl season, sans Iowa... but the difference is, I'm recuperating and recovering from a pretty terrible accident that I had last Oct. 18. 4-wheeler vs. car. Not a good option for the 4-wheeler driver. I deeply thank God that He kept me alive and with my head and heart working straight.
It's been pretty hard to keep everyone updated... I've sent email updates to my church, but i'm not doing as well with everyone else. I may expand my email list, but for those of you who like reading others' blogs... I don't QUITE understand you!!... but i'm thankful for you... :) here you go. I'm going to start the simple way, by putting the old email letters sent to my awesome church family on here. (Life on the Vine Christian Community in rural Long Grove/Arlington Heights, IL. Wonderful place to grow and be.) Who knows - we'll see how this develops. Pictures... virtual surgery room... who knows? Thanks for visiting.
I haven't kept a blog since July of 2005. That's because I didn't believe that my life in Illinois (i.e. plowing cornfields, attending seminary, the occasional date, etc. (just kidding, no dates)) was really worth writing about. I thought differently about the time I was blessed to spend in India and Sri Lanka in 05. (If you want to check that out, feel free to see www.toddackland.blogspot.com)
But, here I am... still in Illinois... at my parents' house... eating popcorn... watching the Big Ten have a HORRENDOUS bowl season, sans Iowa... but the difference is, I'm recuperating and recovering from a pretty terrible accident that I had last Oct. 18. 4-wheeler vs. car. Not a good option for the 4-wheeler driver. I deeply thank God that He kept me alive and with my head and heart working straight.
It's been pretty hard to keep everyone updated... I've sent email updates to my church, but i'm not doing as well with everyone else. I may expand my email list, but for those of you who like reading others' blogs... I don't QUITE understand you!!... but i'm thankful for you... :) here you go. I'm going to start the simple way, by putting the old email letters sent to my awesome church family on here. (Life on the Vine Christian Community in rural Long Grove/Arlington Heights, IL. Wonderful place to grow and be.) Who knows - we'll see how this develops. Pictures... virtual surgery room... who knows? Thanks for visiting.
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