Encouraging things

Hey folks! I hope everyone is doing well, and patiently waiting for Chicago winter to turn into REAL Chicago spring.

Thank you everyone for all of the encouragement you gave me over last week. It was a tough week to hear a possible prognosis, but that shock was necessary for me, I think, and there’s a long way to go in this journey. I’ve been praying to accept the possibilities of some difficult limits, while at the same time we’re looking into and planning 2nd/3rd opinions to UW-Madison and Chicago hospitals.

I started therapy this week! – Wed. and Fri. It was anxiously exciting to start moving the toes and the ankle – SLOWLY. I guess a lot of time just needs to be spent on rubbing and mobilizing the toes to get them back into commission. And of course my leg muscles are really atrophied. All those years being called “pencil-legs,” and now it’s basically accurate – at least on the left side. I have a lot of hope for what we can accomplish, and I already see improvements in how much (little, but real) movement I have.

I received another bunch of insurance statements today. There has been SO many shockingly high bills that they have paid, so much to be thankful for. Today finally brought the statement for the first 3 weeks in the hospital, from late Oct. / early Nov. The $175,000 bill was discounted by $40,000, and the insurance covered ALL of the remaining $135,000. So thanks be to God for THAT! I need to focus on that – although the statements for 2 of the many surgeries by my main surgeon just came today, from late Oct… The insurance is trying to only pay less than half on virtually all of those and ask me to pay around $12,000. The appeal has been started, but please pray that the insurance will move and cover these costs, especially since both the surgeon group and the insurance claim that they are paying according to the same Medicare fee schedule.

Well, I’m TOTALLY looking forward to my first “real” shower tonight, without any plastic bags taped to my leg. I get to cleanse my foot and see how the skin graft REALLY looks. Hopefully the doctor resisted writing “Dr. W was here,” or anything really, on my foot.

Another thanks to God, I’ve been able to drive since I got my storm-trooper boot on last week… although not in my stick-shift Honda. That’s a LITTLE too much action for my booted foot. So, I’m really looking forward to driving up and seeing everyone at church, hopefully a week from today, on Mar. 8. I’ll be back in the burbs at my sister’s for those 2 weeks and eager to catch up with a lot of you and hear what’s going on in YOUR lives. Hopefully lots of excitement, not involving hospitals. (Sorry Dina.) THANK YOU for your prayers for these things, and for your pointful encouragements to keep my eyes on our Sovereign God whose plans are higher than all of ours.

Love and peace in Christ,
Todd

Tough week. Thanks for your prayers.

This has been a hard week for me. Thursday was a very hard day.

Sorry about the length of this; it's just how it came out.

I went to the orthopedic dr. with the hope of getting my inflatable boot cast on, eager to see if I could begin taking light steps with it on, and, you know - make progress. The ortho tech cut off the gauze so I could see the foot for the first time in 4 months without any metal attached. Not pretty, very swollen still, but my foot.

They took several x-rays, and my dr. was in to see me almost instantly. He said there are good things - it looks like all the joints are in place basically, including the talus. He also asked about the feeling and sensation in my foot, which I think are just like my other foot. These are all good things.

The bad things started with confirming that, as expected, there is bone death in the talus caused by the loss of blood supply in the break and dislocation. I knew that some bone death was almost a 100% certainty, but it seemed that it meant something to the dr. that the talus seems to be all dead, not just partially, as it could be.

* He then told me that there's no way of knowing now what we'll have to do. It really depends on how much pain I have when I try to walk on it. If I go through therapy and walk on it and I say, hey, I can deal with this pain - it's manageable with a little bit of pain meds! - then he said he wouldn't do any surgery.

* But he said, "my hunch is that [because of the circumstances] you're going to need a pan-talar fusion." This means fusing the entire ankle joint. No movement in the ankle at all. I asked him, really? Complete immobility? And he said, it's the most pain-free immobile ankle we can do.

It was the 1st time I had really considered this mentally. Walking with a cane most likely, he said. No mobility. Difficulty walking, prob. with a definite limp. No - bike riding? No ability to jog even a few steps to catch a little kid? This was hard.

Nothing is set. He didn't even say, this is my recommendation for moving forward. He just said, I have a hunch this is what you'll need. Thursday was hard, as I said. I kind of feel like I do when someone dies and you wake up and realize that the loss is real. I know it's not like that, and yet I feel the loss greatly. I've just begun sorting through the frustration and feelings of loss and questions for God. I guess that I've always felt optimistic about recovering and "getting back to normal." I guess all this somehow didn't hit me till now.

Will you please pray for me? I'm seeking to prepare my head for the possibilities… even as I search the internet and find LOTS of different opinions, including drs. writing things like "pantalar fusion is not very good. Patient satisfaction is low." We'll certainly look into 2nd opinions if need be.

* I had been preparing myself for the more promising subtalar fusion, which fuses some foot bones for strength and takes away any side to side movement, but still allows an up-and-down hinge motion. This would make hiking and walking on uneven ground difficult, but would still allow basic walking motion, hopefully with little to no limp. I REALLY want to see if other doctors – perhaps older and more experienced – would think that my ankle has enough left to make this a possibility, or if the dead talus can't support it. * And there's still the possibility, I guess, through therapy, of no surgery? God knows. I would so appreciate your prayers with me for these hopes. THANK YOU.

Thank you guys for standing in the gap for me so much through all of this. I know that I have SO much to be thankful for, and so much that I still can do in life, even if it's with a bum ankle. I'm trying to stay in that place. I appreciate your support and love so much.

Your brother in Christ,

Todd

De-fixation: Feb. 11th.

Hey - I wanted to get out a timely word and thanks to you guys! [Yikes... i sent this to my church on Wed. Feb 11. I'm sorry I'm so behind. A lot has gone on and I sort of forgot to update. Not timely at all. Thanks for still checking it out here. :) ]

I got my fixator off this morning. It was pretty quick, just 30 min. like they said. I was even wide awake without any grogginess by 9:30 am. The amusing part (at least I hope so) is that I think they misplanned on having a boot. The nurse told me I was going to have a cast; I said, I can't have a cast, I have to go in for skin graft checkups, and then my Dr. came in and said, "Uh, we're gonna put on a splint. Yeah, we'll put on a boot for you at your 1st checkup." I just couldn't say, "... did you forget?"

But the best part is that it just feels better. The pain is, for right now, basically gone. I'm trying to learn now how to lightly touch the toe down when walking with crutches. It's wrapped up tight, but I don't feel the discomforts of lugging around a cubic meter of titanium. I was a little fearful of the unknown, but so far it's been a big blessing.

Brian Christensen - I'm going to use the pieces of the fixator to make a sculpture of the Tower of Babel. Maybe a mobile. Feel free to use it in the art collection at the appropriate time.

Thanks be to God for all this. And thanks for all your prayers. I'm on the next leg of the journey.

Peace of Christ to you,

Todd

2/9/09 - Lookin up, I guess.

Hey folks! -

I called my Orthopedic dr. and he said, if it's not super red or draining fluid, there's not much to do. Since we're scheduled to take the fixator off Wed. morning, they figure they can deal with it then. My plastic surgeon said the same - and Nurse Marie Butson was in agreement Sunday. Thanks for the good advice, Marie, and for the great shoulder massage Russ. Talk about meeting the needs of the body.... :)

Hopefully the pain will go away - i'm taking some good STRONG meds. Thanks for your prayers.

lots of love

Todd

Sun, Feb 8 - Thanks and a request

Hello family,

Thanks so much for your prayers, encouragement, and love today. It was really wonderful to be back. It felt just like a normal Sunday to be there, not like 4 months had actually passed.

I hope i'm not going past my prayer request quota - I've had a very sharp pain suddenly develop in my left heel pin the last couple of days. It's really stronger than any other pain like that i've had. It's terrible whenever I move the foot, and it's hard to sleep. It was painful today and was the only thing that took away from the great feeling of being back.

It's got me worried about infection... Would you mind praying that the dr. and I can figure this out and do the right thing, as i plan to see him on an emergency basis tomorrow, and that this would not deter us from the goal of getting the **Tinkerfoot>> removed this Wed. morn? THANK YOU. I know - God's got this in His control too.

Peace of Christ to all of you -

Todd

See you Sunday! ? :)

Hello everyone,

I received good news on Monday when the plastic surgeon said the wound is healed enough to support a boot-cast. So i'm scheduled for a 30-min. procedure next Wed. to take the fixator (pins and rods) off my leg and foot. <*YAY!*>...

I feel really good these days, (and might not for a little while after the surgery) so my parents graciously offered to drive me into suburbia to see everyone at Life On the Vine this Sunday. Yay Mom and Dad. Can't wait to see all you great folks...

After the foot is released to hang free, we'll have to collect observations and decide over 4-6 weeks what kind of surgery (if any) is wisest. I REALLY appreciate your prayer as this time of uncertainty begins that will affect how I walk from now on.

I also appreciate prayer for the unresolved $1000's that the insurance and providers are still up in the air about with me. God is the PROVIDER; I must keep that in the front of my mind.

Well, I'll say it again - looking FORWARD to seeing you soon!

Todd